JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
