I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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