I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
