I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
