so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize