I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Damn victory sex feels great
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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