someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
