i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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