Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
