I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize