with your own penis?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
