I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
