just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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