I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
