last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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