i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
