Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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