mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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