i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
