At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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