I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
