he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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