i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
