; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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