Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
