My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
