if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
