She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
