Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Mom said you looked used
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
