This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
