I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
