I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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