I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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