she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
