dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
