i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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