it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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