I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
