wat bout pragnant strippers??
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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