alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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