I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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