Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
