i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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