i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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