Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
