how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
