eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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