What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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