Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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