I'm so fucking centered right now
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
