break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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