I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
3pm strippers are depressing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
