I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
