no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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