You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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