After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
