so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My ass is underappreciated
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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