he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
