They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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