I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
