help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
