Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
