he wants to bone in the snuggie
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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