there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize