we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
