just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
