College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
