Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
