i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
