I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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