so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
