Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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