So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
