she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
