One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
