I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
