I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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