Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
