I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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