Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize