I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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