Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I won the penis lottery.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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