All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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