I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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