are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
